Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
