What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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