dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
