Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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