i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
