Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
