and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
