Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
