it was like his penis was on wheels.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
