oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
