It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
