The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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