You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
