he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
