it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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