You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
