Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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