how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
