we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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