I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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