my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
