We're like a lot better than the average bears
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
