He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and she was petting her beer can
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
