Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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