We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
