The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
