I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
