I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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