Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
