so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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