I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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