its not stalking. its research.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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