I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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