you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
