im gay
i know
yea but for you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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