also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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