Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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