Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
