i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
