I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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