The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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