...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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