How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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