They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
