I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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