My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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