Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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