Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
