Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
