weddingsv make me drug and hornr
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
