Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
