Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
