I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
