I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
