Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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